This was soemthing I wrote in my english class, in response to that quote, which is found in Virginia Woolfe’s To the Lighthouse
“Children don’t forget, Children don’t forget”
This line really struck me. It struck me the first time I read this novel. My entire life, since I was very young, I’ve always had three dreams. They’re simple: Be a wife, a mother, and a writer.
I have memories from when I was very young, memories of disappointments, happy memories, and some mundane memories that make absolutely no sense but ones that I KNOW had a colossal affect on my life.
For example: When I was about 6, I spent the night with my grandmother. I toss and turn a LOT before I fall asleep, and that night, as I tossed and turned, my grandmother said, “Alicia would you lay still! It’s like oyu have worms!” That one little comment, messed me up! I went around for years wondering if I was sick/had worms! It wasn’t until I was about 14 that I realized! But even now, as I toss and turn at night, I think about that, not in fear, simply in reflection.
I want to be a mother, but the thought of raising my children terrifies me. What kind of people will I make? Will my children be good people? I know parents obsess about this, and I know that most parents want the best for their children, but I can’t help but to be afraid. Because children don’t forget. What if I say something just like my grandmother did, or what if Jason says something, or if one of us forgets a soccer game, or a dance recital, or doesn’t hang a good grade on the fridge, what will that do to our children? How will it change them?
And where is that line between being a good parent, and being a scared parent. I’ve definitely seen it, a parent that is so afraid of doing anything wrong that they spoil or coddle the child past any appropriate level, and the child develops a parental issue. What if I smother my children? Or worse, what if I don’t give them the right amount of attention they need?
I’m a far ways away from having kids, but this is something I think about all the time. And this line terrifies me because it forces me to think about something I know is true. Children really don’t forget. And those memories last a lifetime, constantly changing and altering that child.