I was talking to a friend the other day about riding unicycles. I owned one at one point and I was always wanting to practice riding and get really good, but I never did. But when I mentioned to my friend that she would have to practice a lot, she said, “No I dont want to learn to ride it. I just want to RIDE it!”
I thought..wow…that’s totally me.
I’ve never wanted to take the time to learn something. I’ve been either extremely lucky in my life or completely doomed in my life in the sense that every time I pick up something new, its been something that I was naturally good at automatically. Music, Colorguard, Waitressing, and writing for example.
But it seems here lately I’ve been getting into a lot of stuff that I’m NOT good at. Mainly, my majors. English and French.
I’d like to think that I’ve always had a knack for language, but thats only because I can write. Really, learning to critic literature, and learning to speak a language makes me want to bang my head against the wall.
I love to write, and I’ve always been naturally good at it. The first time I was published was when I was 10, then again when I was 12 and 14. But actually LEARNING to critique literature its an odd process. I can write, but I still suck, and I dont feel that I have any right to critic someone’s work.
I tell myself that learning French isn’t that bad. That if I just had more time to study and focus, I would excel much faster, but really, its tough! I want to transition my mind to think IN FRENCH rather than in english to french. Sometimes I surprise myself, when I think in french all of a sudden, or read something in french and understand it without thinking. That really excites me. but I know I have years of this to go.
But while this is an extremely irritating process, and I get so very frustrated ALL the TIME, I can’t help but to think that this is a very healthy endevor for me. I didn’t sit down and go, “man, I really love feeling like an idiot, so I think I’ll study English and French.” No, I chose to do these things because I have a desire to LEARN. I just dont have a desire to practice.
Learning is a beautiful thing, and I can’t get enough of it. But gah…this learning process sucks. I just want to be out of school, and done with the learning process. But thats where I’m doomed, because I know I’ll never really be done.